$4 Thank God for Faust. I can always get off thinking about him. It was right then-with my recess yet dripping, and the young man beside me still trying to catch his breath-that a thought suddenly occurred to me. Actually, it was more of a realization. A jarring realization. A disturbing one. Certainly unexpected. Unanticipated. Unplanned. Unprofessional. Perhaps improper. Inappropriate. Ill timed. Yet hardly inconceivable. When I'm in my room… When I'm out… When I'm shopping… When I'm dancing… When I'm in bed… When I'm in bed with another man… Whenever, wherever, regardless of the situation…my mind invariably strays to the same place-Faust. Oh, my god. Faust! Oh-my-god! My head began to whirl. The thoughts were flooding in. Why hadn't I recognized it before? This man who taught me, teased me, tormented me, terrorized me even…he somehow invaded my heart. Now it was all so clear. The reason I wanted so much to please him…wanted to make him proud of me…wanted not to make him angry-it was all because I wanted him.I was grateful that only ten minutes after we finished having sex, Hermann was dressed and ready to leave. According to him, he had already pushed his luck by staying out as late as he had. There were rules about what time he needed to retire to his quarters. Yet he quickly added that he wasn't the least bit sorry about his being out so late.I was still nude when my sexually satiated lieutenant made motions toward exiting. I got up from the bed and accompanied him to the door. My brain was still swimming, and notions of propriety simply weren't pushing themselves to the forefront as I turned the doorknob and pulled it inward. Besides, it was now so late that I could count on there being no one in the corridor at that hour. Even more than that, based on what I had just done and what I had just come to realize about myself, I just didn't let my state of undress faze me in the least. The door was wide open. I was naked. Hermann's mouth was agape. He gave a quick look into

Thank God for Faust. I can always get off thinking about him. It was right then-with my recess yet dripping, and the young man beside me still trying to catch his breath-that a thought suddenly occurred to me. Actually, it was more of a realization. A jarring realization. A disturbing one. Certainly unexpected. Unanticipated. Unplanned. Unprofessional. Perhaps improper. Inappropriate. Ill timed. Yet hardly inconceivable. When I'm in my room… When I'm out… When I'm shopping… When I'm dancing… When I'm in bed… When I'm in bed with another man… Whenever, wherever, regardless of the situation…my mind invariably strays to the same place-Faust. Oh, my god. Faust! Oh-my-god! My head began to whirl. The thoughts were flooding in. Why hadn't I recognized it before? This man who taught me, teased me, tormented me, terrorized me even…he somehow invaded my heart. Now it was all so clear. The reason I wanted so much to please him…wanted to make him proud of me…wanted not to make him angry-it was all because I wanted him.I was grateful that only ten minutes after we finished having sex, Hermann was dressed and ready to leave. According to him, he had already pushed his luck by staying out as late as he had. There were rules about what time he needed to retire to his quarters. Yet he quickly added that he wasn't the least bit sorry about his being out so late.I was still nude when my sexually satiated lieutenant made motions toward exiting. I got up from the bed and accompanied him to the door. My brain was still swimming, and notions of propriety simply weren't pushing themselves to the forefront as I turned the doorknob and pulled it inward. Besides, it was now so late that I could count on there being no one in the corridor at that hour. Even more than that, based on what I had just done and what I had just come to realize about myself, I just didn't let my state of undress faze me in the least. The door was wide open. I was naked. Hermann's mouth was agape. He gave a quick look into

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